The Common Cold…

Our immune system is quite a wonder… the whole body is, actually. I’ve always been sort of fascinated by scientific and anatomical wonders like, why we blink, and how our body reacts to external, and internal, factors to maintain it’s balance. Anyways, back to the immune system. How awesome is it that our body takes a virus, an intruder of our sacred vessel and balance, observes it, analyzes it, and then sort of makes a back-up copy of all that data? This is just in case the intruder ever tries to attack again. We go back in that file, and we’re all ready for it, guns just ready, maybe even itching to blaze. I mean, that’s how vaccines work. When you get a shot, they aren’t shooting medicine (sorry to rain on any parades). They’re actually shooting a small, milder dose of the exact same virus you are intending to prevent. Yea, then your body does its thing, you know collect the necessary data from the intruder. So then, if the real thing tries to come at you, you can nip that shit in the bud!

Wouldn’t it be, like, an exponentially greater than great and awesome thing if relationships worked the same way?? I mean, dating alone and finding “the one” would be tremendously easier and more enjoyable and triumphant. Every heart break, every time you thought “I should’ve seen the signs”, every unfortunate mishap in your love life would not be in vain. You’d be ready for any virus, uh… pardon, I mean man, that dares intrude on your balance (or happiness). The next fool would be stopped dead in his tracks if he tried to pull the same ridiculousness as his predecessor.

To a degree, you might be thinking that dating is sort of like getting vaccinations. Each date you go on, or relationship is like a vaccine shot. And just as your body lives and learns from each illness it encounters, we live and learn from each relationship we endure. So why, then, is it that some of us find ourselves in the annoying and almost comical cycle. You know it, you know it well. That cycle of meeting the same types of guys. That cycle of “I can never meet anyone when I’m looking, but when I’m over it, new faces and exes alike wanna pop up left and right”. That cycle of going up and down in that on-again-off -again relationship that you just can’t figure out why you allow yourself to participate in. Why doesn’t our “emotional immune system” kick in at some point and say, “Hey, uh, I know we’re feeling some tingles and jingles but I gotta tell ya…. last time this didn’t pan out so well. I suggest we take this route over here, boss!”.  Well… it does!

The problem is, for the most part, it’s irrelevant because when you’re dating, you’re not dealing with a very simple and unique virus. Dating is like the common cold. Think about it. Why is that if our immune system does what it does, we still catch a cold each and every winter? Why doesn’t our data on “taking care of colds” kick in? It’s because the common cold is a scandalous little bastard, that’s why! The common cold comes in many different strands so each winter, whatever data our immune system had collected means absolutely squat. Each year is a whole new ball game. The best thing you can do is dress warm. I think dating, especially when caught in that cycle, is similar. We go through a nasty break up, vow to never make those same mistakes, and then what happens. The next chunk of yum with a smile comes along and you end up making a whole different version of all those mistakes and ultimately wind up right back where you started, which is usually somewhere thinking, “I can’t believe I’m here right now.” This is because you’re dealing with a new and improved strand of the same crap… uh, virus… I mean guy or girl.

Getting sick sucks but we all know there are things we can do to try and avoid the common cold. Dress warm, protect yourself from the cold, take vitamins, drink hot cocoa, whatever you do. And once you’ve got that down, you can actually enjoy the cold, weather that is. You can play and make snowmen, go ice skating, all that jazz. In the same token, getting hurt sucks too, but try to avoid it as best you can, with what you have learned from your uh, vaccines, so you can enjoy the season :)

Enough is Enough!!!… or is it?

My mother once told me something that I will never forget… “Only you can tell when you’ve had enough.” Those words ring SO true to me. Ever look at a friend in what you would consider an unbelievably insane situation and wonder, “Why would anyone in their right mind keep subjecting themselves to this??” First of all, they’re probably not in their right mind. And if they are, they probably just haven’t had enough.

For example, a young woman who’s in a relationship with someone for years upon years is with a guy who has had done everything that the “I’m a strong black woman and I don’t take no shit from no man” manual (you know you have a copy) says warrants a slashed tire or keyed side panel (whatever your weapon of choice is). If you’re not into that, a good verbal thrashing with a severe case of whipping neck, rolling eyes, and threatening hand motions at the VERY least, will suffice. We all (the peanut gallery of girlfriends) would NOT understand for the life of us why she would keep going back to this dude. Of course, peanut galleries always know exactly what the issue is and EXACTLY what should or shouldn’t be done to solve it…. for everyone ELSE! We go through (and comment/cosign on) lie after lie, alleged other girl after alleged other girl, crying phone call after…. you get the idea.

In a situation similar to this with me, it got to the point we (the peanut gallery of girlfriends) all decided it would be best not to deal with such situations and just be there for her through it all. This decision came about after my mother spoke those pearls of wisdom (and some of us got told off in an attempt to confront our friend). Regardless the motivation for our conclusion in the matter, I, for one, think that’s the best advice one can get.

“Only YOU know when you’ve had enough.”

I now find myself in a similar position as our aforementioned friend (minus a few distinct details… ). I have recently had a relationship go from bad to worse before ending. This relationship was wonderful while it lasted, I guess. But, now all I can think about is all the signs I should have seen, trying to decipher if each sign was actually a sign or just things that a normal couple goes through. Then I question the whole idea of a “normal couple”. I know it’s called a “break-up” because it’s “broken”. But things break all the time. That’s why we have firemen, and mechanics, and plumbers right??? I mean, our entire relationship was long distance. Does that mean we get to bend the rules?? Anyhow, the one that takes the cake is I still entertain, dare I say, hope for, the prospect of the relationship being salvaged. Can it be salvaged?? Maybe we just need some time to get some dustbusters going in our own corners and then call for a relationship plumber and get all the crap outta there… right? Well, guess I just haven’t had enough, huh ma?